Hello Winos!
Look at me, getting all caught up. This time with a very efficient, wine-stained, single side of 8x10 white paper and some veeeerry small writing. Check out our ponderings on wine in September, when the reds became a little more popular again (silly white, thinking it can get on top for longer than three months. Tsk tsk.)
Wait--before I get to this, let me pour myself a glass of wine.
That's much better. White though, it's all I have on hand. (Thirsty Lizard Australian white--a whole litre of eco-friendly and delicious for just $12. Just saying.)
Ok here we go!
ROUND 1:
Wine 1: Julie
Zinfatuation Zinfandel, Napa Valley $16
We said:
Chistmas
Grapey
ashen
russian orthodox sacrament wine (it's good!)
smooth black stones
David Bowie's bloody nose
Seduced by an older woman in a red satin robe
Dusty velvet curtain, like from Beauty and the Beast
We liked this one. Strong, bold, with a definite old-world flavour and just a hint of sacredness. Yes to this wine!
WINE 2:
Kaelyn: Oak Bay Pinot Noir, Okanagan Valley, $20
We said
Grass
brushfire
sharp
bland
unpleasant odor
embarassing (for Chris, who brought the wine)
Sour
Throat itchy
sandpaper kiss
a sock full of quarters (hitting you)
plastic rubies in sand
Well, this one was not ok with us. It was almost a physical assault, we hated it so much. Julie wins!
ROUND 2
Wine 3:
Johnny
Copper Moon Shiraz $9
Sweet and unoaked
crisp and pure
tongue cluster bomb
pink elastic boa
Swings when you are a kid
Swings when you are a kid! Also!
Licorice for grownups
sundail
windy grass
spongy
festive
candied cherry
This one brought out a bit of the child in us, and got us in the mood to eat candy and play. All good things in a wine. Sneaky winos, though--you are catching on that if you bring Copper Moon, it will always do well, and you'll only spend $9. Please do not take this as advice. Johnny wins.
Wine 4: Alla
Espelt Saulo, Spain, $15
We said:
Oil spill
royal purple
rotted grapes
smell of credenza
jalapenos
christmas spice
mulled wine
fuzzy aquedut
back patio candlelight
My grandmother's living room, where I'm not allowed to touch anything
Cherry fuzzy
room dividers
Well this one was okay, definitely strong, and bold, but a touch inaccessible, and we didn't really like that very much here at Winos United.
Wine 5: Chris
Saturna Pinot Noir $22
We said:
Stained glass
Getting high with my English prof
Blackcurrants
Thinks he's black
Not so good
The poem "It's good to be here" by RC Weslowski when he says, "It is SO NOT GOOD to be here!"
Blackberry
gummi bear
deja vu
satin sheets
sour cranberries
THe inside of my cheeks have been stitched to a blood blister
dandelions over a raspberry field.
Well, not all of us hated this one. Or at least, not as much as we hated the other one. Decanting may have helped in both of their cases. Anyway, Chris wins, saving him slightly from the embarassment of bringing Kaelyn's wine, which we hated even MORE.
ROUND 3
Wine 6: Kyle
Finca Flichman Oak Aged Malbec $8
We said:
This is the black ink of wine. In that there is no true black ink, only very dark blue. This is the mythical black.
Far superior to my previous wine.
Anticlimax
acetone
movator
banal
polished stone
parsnip
lethargic metaphor
grey pepper
saltwater pool
We liked this one better than the last one, but still not as much. There was some pepper and a definite hint of chemicals, which is not a great quality in a wine. Strangely, a few of us drink this one regularly, and had NO IDEA how much we would hate it. It was a bit shocking, for Cristina especially. I blame the oak age of the malbec--not a good idea, Finca.
Wine 2: Cristina
Wally's Hut Shiraz, Australia, $9
We said:
Dapper
Patrick Swayze's donated liver
cleaning supplies (in a good way)
licking an oak tree
Eating whole pomegranate seeds
black strawberries
When dragons attack
boom in my mouth
back of the tongue
waterslide
seeds
brown sugar
There was something earthy, easy drinking, but complex all at once about this one. Plus cheap! We looooved it. Cristina wins!
ROUND 4
Wine 8: Andy
Joseph Drouhin Burgundy $36
We said:
Toothpaste
Cottage sheets
Sweetened alcoholic koolaid (been a long time)
Corrugated velvet
The fire under which male chickens are destroyed in the factory
unremarkable
water cooler
year old sunbleached bones
Superfluous
The yapping yesmen circling around the real wine
Harsh words for such an expensive wine! We found it too sweet, a little chemically, and somehow also dry on the tongue. Perhaps more decanting would have helped this one? In any case we did not like it.
Wine 9: Meghan
Black Tower German white $14
We said:
Sugarcane and frape juice
kiwifruit
Pretend you like it
Doing the namaste
bronze lullabye
14 years old
silvery sweet
Sweet SOB
fuzzy peaches
sour keys without the sour salt
Well this one was okay with us--but fuzzy peach sweet. If you like a candy wine (or perhaps are 14 years old) this is your wine. Meghan wins.
ROUND 5
Wine 1:
Fernando:
Mythical select white Okanagan valley np
We said:
Raspberry tire
straight up takes like bee hair
dirty windex runoff
lemonparty
gym show apple juice
what white wine is supposed to taste like
so many things are happening in my mouth!
Well we liked this one, I think, but it was hard to read Cristina's writing.
Wine 2: Lisa
Obikwa Chenin Blanc, South Africa
We said:
melted popsicles
an afternoon drinking wine on a patio in Montreal (ie. nondescript)
limeade
tart
lemonade with ice on a very hot day (after the ice has melted)
myeaahhhh
vodka
Okay, i think we were getting a little drunk by this point. We liked it fine, I think, but found it a little on the thin side.
No one wins! Because we stopped paying attention!
ROUND 6
WIne 1: Sean
Ruffino Orvieto [...] $16
Toast before I was gluten intolerant
Someone I should like, but don't
Water in the same glass as orange juice
Ashen wormwood
The opening
Sweet nothing.
We weren't quite sure about this one. We felt like it was almost really good, or good with the potential of gas, bloating, and general irritation.
Wine 2: Angelo
Okanagan Vineyards Chardonnay, OK valley, $9
We said:
Marshmallows
forgotten kids in class
special needs
simple
This one wasn't so bad, but seemed a little too simple for some, and too much altogether for those of us incapable of drinking any more. Let's say Angelo wins, just because he was visiting from Toronto.
Another highly successful Winos night! Stayed tuned, dear readers, for more wine reviews you can understand (or maybe can't....)
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Welcome once again to your alternative Wine Review Blog, where pretentious people give true articulations to the pretentious feeling wine graces us with. Pinkies up, winos, here are the newest judgments drunken poet style:
ROUND 1
WINE 1: Meghan
Chan-en-Oeuf Rose, Pays D'Oc, $13
We said:
Joan Crawford.
Cider
Rhubarb
Like not making a yellow light
Pamplemousse
Scotch
Aunt Dorothy
Nacho temperer (?)
My little pony
Yes, Lisa's Aunt Dorothy.
Roses from a boy.
Fruit, flowers, a hint of plastic and a dash of grace: we like it!
Wine 2: Alla
Schloss Briebekt Sekh Sparkling Wine, Germany. $15
We said:
Sleep.
Better with gin.
Invisible.
Fake grownup.
Harrison Hot Springs
Library
Carpet
Panty remover
A stranger's wedding
Lemongrass
Saccharine
Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo
A little too sweet and without much to say, this sparkling wine reminds us of family events and trying to get drunk when nothing good is around. We didn't like it so much.
WINNER: MEGHAN! wooo ya!
ROUND 2
Wine 1: Julie
St HUbertus Chasselas, Okanagan Valley, $16
We said:
Dilute.
Dandelion.
Cartoon cheese wheel.
Foam (like a foam)
Higgins (Magnum PI)
Cellophane
Getting punched by someone kind of hot
Claude Debussy's
old herbs
seawater without the salt and guck
velveeta
Not too strong of a flavour here and a distinct note of cheese, we didn't hate it, but we didn't love it either.
WINE 2: Kyle and Lisa
Jackson Triggs Chardonnay, Niagara $13
We said:
Filtered water
Ropes on a sailboat
metal gates--cattle guards
D-Cup 9
Marlena Dietrich on Tuxedo (?)
Carnations
bees knees
warm like fur
bumblebee
unapologetically surly
Audi
Kind of bitter, like a poet
Dead bunnies
Something of a confusing wine, bringing up thoughts of breasts, gates, bitterness and especially bees--we liked it, at least more than Julie's wine.
WINNER: KYLE AND LISA!!
ROUND 3
WINE 1: Brendan
Copper Moon Sauvignon Blanc Okanagan Valley $8.95
We said:
Fragrant and soft
Nectarine
meh
the guilt you feel when you don't know how old a girl is
No woman no cry
tires
beige
Sunlight through eyelit curtains
Nothing to prove
pop rocks
tweener slumber party
sleepy rocking chair
parcheesi
potato salad on labour day
sparklers
warm shivers
kiss from a baby nephew
This wine was seriously easy drinking--so easy, in fact, we felt a little uneasy, like the work and toil of life would return the moment we put the wine down. So keep drinking, it's only $8.95.
WINE 2: Greg
Quail's Gate [white, no grape noted--I suspect the chasselas blend] $16
We said:
Bubble bath
God is black
Mumbrable
Nazi party
Like RC's backwash
very tart
lost in the world
low self esteem
delerious
Lik-M-Aid (remember that stuff? With the candy stick and the powder?)
ABBA
rotting soap
sweet tarts
green onion
Saskatchewan
Something a little too tart and somehow intense and boring at the same time (Saskatchewan?) we didn't like this one very much.
WINE 2: Kaelyn
Gazela Vino Verde from Spain $11
We said:
Kicked in the vagina
Stroked in the vagina
pineapple vagina
7up
Robert Redford's Snowman
Jem and the Holograms' World Tour
The techno of Wino
half inflated baloon
ragtime
koolaid failing a drug test
Monogamy
a forgotten brilliant idea
pineapple just a bit off
the cougar's boudoir
fresh and acidic
This one made us think many things, especially about vaginas. Something a little different, a little sweet, not too alcoholic and with a heavy dose of pineapple, we liked it.
KAELYN WINS!
ROUND 4
WINE 1: Sean
Wyndham Estate Bin 222 Chardonnay $19
We said:
A $299 cruise
cowboy hat
"it made my tongue numb"
flaccid
Candice Bergen
Teenager coming out as fruity
a chicken's cock
white
I was like...not good.
Dove soap
tumeric
a used hockey glove
yeast infection
vomitracious
very small fruit
shampoo
Come on guys, getting a little gross here. This one we had a bodily reaction to. We did not like it.
WINE 2: Rob
Argiolas S'elegas, Italy (np)
We said:
Feta
Angst in Yaletown
9.6 volts
Rice wine
Clear but too sharp
Chris Gilpin's donair
the person you think of when you come
pretend to like it
blow up mattress
neatly trimmed beard
chardonnay hates Julie
blackberry bushes
Apparently we felt like we should like this one, but we really didn't. Still..
Rob wins!
ROUND 5
WINE 1: Karen
Copper Moon Sauvignon Blanc Okanagan valley $8.95 The same one Brendan brought!
We said:
Potpourri
Satsuma
clementine
Take it home to see if the dog will lick it
ex wife
puppy love
We liked it!
WINE 2: Kyle and Lisa Part Deux
Copper Moon Chardonnay, Okanagan $8.95
We said:
Bottle rocket
east German shepherd
saxophone made out of driftwood
stealthy deepthroat
tangerine
miniature pony
innocent purple
campino candy
play school
something to be proud of
This one we especially liked. Kyle and Lisa win!
AT LAST: ONTO THE REDS!
ROUND 1
WINE 1: Chris
Copper Moon Cabernet Sauvignon $8.99
We said:
Leather raspberried and licorice
smooth and sour
retro rolls royce
breasts
chocolate peso
razorblades
black man/suit/hat
fresh water up the nose
kalamata olives
tequila
swingset
chocolate and roses
We liked this one just fine. Getting pretty drunk by this time though. Never have a Winos with 25 people. It's bad news.
Wine 2: Jim McKnight
La Posta Bonarda Argentina $18.99
We said:
Like Yellowtail Shiraz
smoking room
rotted sausage
herpes simplex 3
dead salmon
killer
Cary Grant
aged
smoke
bruising
chestnut
overpowering leather
your favourite leather jacket
De Niro
There was something familiar and cozy about this wine, which had a nice punch. We liked that about it. Jim WINS!
ROUND 2:
WINE 1: Fernando
Naked Grape Okanagan Shiraz $8.95
We said:
Caramel
Smells like a post-sex room
first year university sex (not much technique)
first kiss gimmick
plaid shirt
ass candy/candy ass
real fruit gummies
prison break without condoms
Well, there was something sexy about this wine, but apparently not in a good way. But not in a bad way either.
WINE 2: Patty
Cedar Creek Pinot Noir Okanagan $17.00
We said:
Flirting with the mirror
David Bowie's codpiece from Labyrinth
Bug dope (bug spray)
Battery acid
very bad sex
abandoned tire
Velveteen rabbit
slipping around a corner
Hated by all.
Well, we didn't love Fernando's wine, but we HATED this one. Between bad sex and really bad sex, Fernando WINS!
Another successfully drunken night of winos, and we hope this helps!
ROUND 1
WINE 1: Meghan
Chan-en-Oeuf Rose, Pays D'Oc, $13
We said:
Joan Crawford.
Cider
Rhubarb
Like not making a yellow light
Pamplemousse
Scotch
Aunt Dorothy
Nacho temperer (?)
My little pony
Yes, Lisa's Aunt Dorothy.
Roses from a boy.
Fruit, flowers, a hint of plastic and a dash of grace: we like it!
Wine 2: Alla
Schloss Briebekt Sekh Sparkling Wine, Germany. $15
We said:
Sleep.
Better with gin.
Invisible.
Fake grownup.
Harrison Hot Springs
Library
Carpet
Panty remover
A stranger's wedding
Lemongrass
Saccharine
Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo
A little too sweet and without much to say, this sparkling wine reminds us of family events and trying to get drunk when nothing good is around. We didn't like it so much.
WINNER: MEGHAN! wooo ya!
ROUND 2
Wine 1: Julie
St HUbertus Chasselas, Okanagan Valley, $16
We said:
Dilute.
Dandelion.
Cartoon cheese wheel.
Foam (like a foam)
Higgins (Magnum PI)
Cellophane
Getting punched by someone kind of hot
Claude Debussy's
old herbs
seawater without the salt and guck
velveeta
Not too strong of a flavour here and a distinct note of cheese, we didn't hate it, but we didn't love it either.
WINE 2: Kyle and Lisa
Jackson Triggs Chardonnay, Niagara $13
We said:
Filtered water
Ropes on a sailboat
metal gates--cattle guards
D-Cup 9
Marlena Dietrich on Tuxedo (?)
Carnations
bees knees
warm like fur
bumblebee
unapologetically surly
Audi
Kind of bitter, like a poet
Dead bunnies
Something of a confusing wine, bringing up thoughts of breasts, gates, bitterness and especially bees--we liked it, at least more than Julie's wine.
WINNER: KYLE AND LISA!!
ROUND 3
WINE 1: Brendan
Copper Moon Sauvignon Blanc Okanagan Valley $8.95
We said:
Fragrant and soft
Nectarine
meh
the guilt you feel when you don't know how old a girl is
No woman no cry
tires
beige
Sunlight through eyelit curtains
Nothing to prove
pop rocks
tweener slumber party
sleepy rocking chair
parcheesi
potato salad on labour day
sparklers
warm shivers
kiss from a baby nephew
This wine was seriously easy drinking--so easy, in fact, we felt a little uneasy, like the work and toil of life would return the moment we put the wine down. So keep drinking, it's only $8.95.
WINE 2: Greg
Quail's Gate [white, no grape noted--I suspect the chasselas blend] $16
We said:
Bubble bath
God is black
Mumbrable
Nazi party
Like RC's backwash
very tart
lost in the world
low self esteem
delerious
Lik-M-Aid (remember that stuff? With the candy stick and the powder?)
ABBA
rotting soap
sweet tarts
green onion
Saskatchewan
Something a little too tart and somehow intense and boring at the same time (Saskatchewan?) we didn't like this one very much.
WINE 2: Kaelyn
Gazela Vino Verde from Spain $11
We said:
Kicked in the vagina
Stroked in the vagina
pineapple vagina
7up
Robert Redford's Snowman
Jem and the Holograms' World Tour
The techno of Wino
half inflated baloon
ragtime
koolaid failing a drug test
Monogamy
a forgotten brilliant idea
pineapple just a bit off
the cougar's boudoir
fresh and acidic
This one made us think many things, especially about vaginas. Something a little different, a little sweet, not too alcoholic and with a heavy dose of pineapple, we liked it.
KAELYN WINS!
ROUND 4
WINE 1: Sean
Wyndham Estate Bin 222 Chardonnay $19
We said:
A $299 cruise
cowboy hat
"it made my tongue numb"
flaccid
Candice Bergen
Teenager coming out as fruity
a chicken's cock
white
I was like...not good.
Dove soap
tumeric
a used hockey glove
yeast infection
vomitracious
very small fruit
shampoo
Come on guys, getting a little gross here. This one we had a bodily reaction to. We did not like it.
WINE 2: Rob
Argiolas S'elegas, Italy (np)
We said:
Feta
Angst in Yaletown
9.6 volts
Rice wine
Clear but too sharp
Chris Gilpin's donair
the person you think of when you come
pretend to like it
blow up mattress
neatly trimmed beard
chardonnay hates Julie
blackberry bushes
Apparently we felt like we should like this one, but we really didn't. Still..
Rob wins!
ROUND 5
WINE 1: Karen
Copper Moon Sauvignon Blanc Okanagan valley $8.95 The same one Brendan brought!
We said:
Potpourri
Satsuma
clementine
Take it home to see if the dog will lick it
ex wife
puppy love
We liked it!
WINE 2: Kyle and Lisa Part Deux
Copper Moon Chardonnay, Okanagan $8.95
We said:
Bottle rocket
east German shepherd
saxophone made out of driftwood
stealthy deepthroat
tangerine
miniature pony
innocent purple
campino candy
play school
something to be proud of
This one we especially liked. Kyle and Lisa win!
AT LAST: ONTO THE REDS!
ROUND 1
WINE 1: Chris
Copper Moon Cabernet Sauvignon $8.99
We said:
Leather raspberried and licorice
smooth and sour
retro rolls royce
breasts
chocolate peso
razorblades
black man/suit/hat
fresh water up the nose
kalamata olives
tequila
swingset
chocolate and roses
We liked this one just fine. Getting pretty drunk by this time though. Never have a Winos with 25 people. It's bad news.
Wine 2: Jim McKnight
La Posta Bonarda Argentina $18.99
We said:
Like Yellowtail Shiraz
smoking room
rotted sausage
herpes simplex 3
dead salmon
killer
Cary Grant
aged
smoke
bruising
chestnut
overpowering leather
your favourite leather jacket
De Niro
There was something familiar and cozy about this wine, which had a nice punch. We liked that about it. Jim WINS!
ROUND 2:
WINE 1: Fernando
Naked Grape Okanagan Shiraz $8.95
We said:
Caramel
Smells like a post-sex room
first year university sex (not much technique)
first kiss gimmick
plaid shirt
ass candy/candy ass
real fruit gummies
prison break without condoms
Well, there was something sexy about this wine, but apparently not in a good way. But not in a bad way either.
WINE 2: Patty
Cedar Creek Pinot Noir Okanagan $17.00
We said:
Flirting with the mirror
David Bowie's codpiece from Labyrinth
Bug dope (bug spray)
Battery acid
very bad sex
abandoned tire
Velveteen rabbit
slipping around a corner
Hated by all.
Well, we didn't love Fernando's wine, but we HATED this one. Between bad sex and really bad sex, Fernando WINS!
Another successfully drunken night of winos, and we hope this helps!
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