Dearest Winos,
We have been off the radar for many months--our last Winos was actually in January, I think, and it was a cold and rainy night in Trout Lake and the notes I think we somehow lost. But it's July, and the Winos have conspired again to get ridiculously toasted off some really yummy wine. So let's take a look at the results.
ROUND 1: Sonya vs. Kaelyn
Wine #1: Sonya: Masi Valpolicella, Italy, $20
We said:
black pepper
walking home on a dusky evening
tugboat in the fog
dry heat--like in palm springs
arid
firewood
quiet blanket
We like this one--warm, smoky, and comforting, many of us would come back to this one on a night in anytime.
Wine #2: Kaelyn: Villa Regia, Portugal, $12
We said:
More a sensation that a flavour, per se
affable
It just is. And it's wet.
Licorice and plastic on the nose
biting into an indescribable fruit
hockey bag
reluctant waterslide
We didnt dislike this wine, exactly, but we didn't really like it either. The taste was hard to pin down, and there was a sharpness to the mouthfeel. Drinkable, but not really a recommender.
AND THE WINNER IS: SONYA! with Masi Valpolicella.
ROUND 2: RC Weslowski vs Fraser
Wine #1: RC: Goats Do Roam, South Africa, $16
We said:
Soft, well worn sneakers
black stiletto heels
kissing a sweaty back
beef jerky and a hat
a caterpillar's bum
jew hating fascist babies
a hotel room you are about to defile
leather
Well, this was an interesting wine--there was something smoky and edgy about it, and definitely something a little sexy and a little dangerous. We were all thinking of sweat and possibly some risque sexual act--an a caterpillar's bum.
Wine #4: Fraser: Bolla Valpolicella, $17
We said:
Rainwater
the breeze coming in through your door
a glassy ocean
my plastic strawberry shortcake doll when I was a kid
inconsequential
white soap
lipsmackers
aloe lime
This one wasn't bad exactly, but we weren't thrilled about it. There was definitely a chemical hint in there, plastic, soapiness, and not entirely clean rainwater.
AND THE WINNER IS: RC WESLOWSKI! Goats do Roam from South Africa.
ROUND 3: Alla vs Julie vs Fernando
Wine #1: Alla: Dos Besos Tempranillo Syrah, SPain, $14
We said:
My spice rack [as in, SONYA'S spice rack]
black cherry at the back of my mouth
off! bugspray
a moth endlessly bumping into the lampshade
cobwebs
My lungs have been taken over by God.
Secret attic
spicy
cherry moth balls
I admit, I am remembering less as we make our way through the evening. This one was interesting, there was something spicy and confident about it, but there were a lot of insects involved in our answers. Make of that what you will.
Wine #2: Julie: Bear Flag red, California, $13
We said:
Persian rose candies
grapefruits
sour candies
bland red licorice
clove grass
the first time you tasted cotton candy
This was one of those wines that evokes memories in you. You know those wines? A childhood memory, a room in an old house, an exboyfriend--it all comes flooding sweetly back with this delicious wine [in my opinion. I should also mention I tried the white Bear Flag as well and loved it--also quite sweet.]
Wine #3: Fernando: Drostdy Hof Shiraz, South Africa $15
We said:
bandaids with burnt toast and jam
fermented earwax
angry children (tired)
the ever elusive successful first date
barbed wire
old gum
roof pasties
my dick rubs your lip gum
TO be honest, I think Fernandos wine suffered somewhat from being the last wine of the evening, when we were all getting a little too toasted for our own good. But for my part, I can't remember at all what that wine tasted like. So roof pasties it is, whatever that means.
AND THE WINNER IS: JULIE! with Bear Flag Red.
The end of another successful Winos United! And a good time had by all. Do keep your eyes out for the next one, and join the facebook group if you would like to come along.
Julie
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, October 12, 2009
September Winos!
Hello Winos!
Look at me, getting all caught up. This time with a very efficient, wine-stained, single side of 8x10 white paper and some veeeerry small writing. Check out our ponderings on wine in September, when the reds became a little more popular again (silly white, thinking it can get on top for longer than three months. Tsk tsk.)
Wait--before I get to this, let me pour myself a glass of wine.
That's much better. White though, it's all I have on hand. (Thirsty Lizard Australian white--a whole litre of eco-friendly and delicious for just $12. Just saying.)
Ok here we go!
ROUND 1:
Wine 1: Julie
Zinfatuation Zinfandel, Napa Valley $16
We said:
Chistmas
Grapey
ashen
russian orthodox sacrament wine (it's good!)
smooth black stones
David Bowie's bloody nose
Seduced by an older woman in a red satin robe
Dusty velvet curtain, like from Beauty and the Beast
We liked this one. Strong, bold, with a definite old-world flavour and just a hint of sacredness. Yes to this wine!
WINE 2:
Kaelyn: Oak Bay Pinot Noir, Okanagan Valley, $20
We said
Grass
brushfire
sharp
bland
unpleasant odor
embarassing (for Chris, who brought the wine)
Sour
Throat itchy
sandpaper kiss
a sock full of quarters (hitting you)
plastic rubies in sand
Well, this one was not ok with us. It was almost a physical assault, we hated it so much. Julie wins!
ROUND 2
Wine 3:
Johnny
Copper Moon Shiraz $9
Sweet and unoaked
crisp and pure
tongue cluster bomb
pink elastic boa
Swings when you are a kid
Swings when you are a kid! Also!
Licorice for grownups
sundail
windy grass
spongy
festive
candied cherry
This one brought out a bit of the child in us, and got us in the mood to eat candy and play. All good things in a wine. Sneaky winos, though--you are catching on that if you bring Copper Moon, it will always do well, and you'll only spend $9. Please do not take this as advice. Johnny wins.
Wine 4: Alla
Espelt Saulo, Spain, $15
We said:
Oil spill
royal purple
rotted grapes
smell of credenza
jalapenos
christmas spice
mulled wine
fuzzy aquedut
back patio candlelight
My grandmother's living room, where I'm not allowed to touch anything
Cherry fuzzy
room dividers
Well this one was okay, definitely strong, and bold, but a touch inaccessible, and we didn't really like that very much here at Winos United.
Wine 5: Chris
Saturna Pinot Noir $22
We said:
Stained glass
Getting high with my English prof
Blackcurrants
Thinks he's black
Not so good
The poem "It's good to be here" by RC Weslowski when he says, "It is SO NOT GOOD to be here!"
Blackberry
gummi bear
deja vu
satin sheets
sour cranberries
THe inside of my cheeks have been stitched to a blood blister
dandelions over a raspberry field.
Well, not all of us hated this one. Or at least, not as much as we hated the other one. Decanting may have helped in both of their cases. Anyway, Chris wins, saving him slightly from the embarassment of bringing Kaelyn's wine, which we hated even MORE.
ROUND 3
Wine 6: Kyle
Finca Flichman Oak Aged Malbec $8
We said:
This is the black ink of wine. In that there is no true black ink, only very dark blue. This is the mythical black.
Far superior to my previous wine.
Anticlimax
acetone
movator
banal
polished stone
parsnip
lethargic metaphor
grey pepper
saltwater pool
We liked this one better than the last one, but still not as much. There was some pepper and a definite hint of chemicals, which is not a great quality in a wine. Strangely, a few of us drink this one regularly, and had NO IDEA how much we would hate it. It was a bit shocking, for Cristina especially. I blame the oak age of the malbec--not a good idea, Finca.
Wine 2: Cristina
Wally's Hut Shiraz, Australia, $9
We said:
Dapper
Patrick Swayze's donated liver
cleaning supplies (in a good way)
licking an oak tree
Eating whole pomegranate seeds
black strawberries
When dragons attack
boom in my mouth
back of the tongue
waterslide
seeds
brown sugar
There was something earthy, easy drinking, but complex all at once about this one. Plus cheap! We looooved it. Cristina wins!
ROUND 4
Wine 8: Andy
Joseph Drouhin Burgundy $36
We said:
Toothpaste
Cottage sheets
Sweetened alcoholic koolaid (been a long time)
Corrugated velvet
The fire under which male chickens are destroyed in the factory
unremarkable
water cooler
year old sunbleached bones
Superfluous
The yapping yesmen circling around the real wine
Harsh words for such an expensive wine! We found it too sweet, a little chemically, and somehow also dry on the tongue. Perhaps more decanting would have helped this one? In any case we did not like it.
Wine 9: Meghan
Black Tower German white $14
We said:
Sugarcane and frape juice
kiwifruit
Pretend you like it
Doing the namaste
bronze lullabye
14 years old
silvery sweet
Sweet SOB
fuzzy peaches
sour keys without the sour salt
Well this one was okay with us--but fuzzy peach sweet. If you like a candy wine (or perhaps are 14 years old) this is your wine. Meghan wins.
ROUND 5
Wine 1:
Fernando:
Mythical select white Okanagan valley np
We said:
Raspberry tire
straight up takes like bee hair
dirty windex runoff
lemonparty
gym show apple juice
what white wine is supposed to taste like
so many things are happening in my mouth!
Well we liked this one, I think, but it was hard to read Cristina's writing.
Wine 2: Lisa
Obikwa Chenin Blanc, South Africa
We said:
melted popsicles
an afternoon drinking wine on a patio in Montreal (ie. nondescript)
limeade
tart
lemonade with ice on a very hot day (after the ice has melted)
myeaahhhh
vodka
Okay, i think we were getting a little drunk by this point. We liked it fine, I think, but found it a little on the thin side.
No one wins! Because we stopped paying attention!
ROUND 6
WIne 1: Sean
Ruffino Orvieto [...] $16
Toast before I was gluten intolerant
Someone I should like, but don't
Water in the same glass as orange juice
Ashen wormwood
The opening
Sweet nothing.
We weren't quite sure about this one. We felt like it was almost really good, or good with the potential of gas, bloating, and general irritation.
Wine 2: Angelo
Okanagan Vineyards Chardonnay, OK valley, $9
We said:
Marshmallows
forgotten kids in class
special needs
simple
This one wasn't so bad, but seemed a little too simple for some, and too much altogether for those of us incapable of drinking any more. Let's say Angelo wins, just because he was visiting from Toronto.
Another highly successful Winos night! Stayed tuned, dear readers, for more wine reviews you can understand (or maybe can't....)
Look at me, getting all caught up. This time with a very efficient, wine-stained, single side of 8x10 white paper and some veeeerry small writing. Check out our ponderings on wine in September, when the reds became a little more popular again (silly white, thinking it can get on top for longer than three months. Tsk tsk.)
Wait--before I get to this, let me pour myself a glass of wine.
That's much better. White though, it's all I have on hand. (Thirsty Lizard Australian white--a whole litre of eco-friendly and delicious for just $12. Just saying.)
Ok here we go!
ROUND 1:
Wine 1: Julie
Zinfatuation Zinfandel, Napa Valley $16
We said:
Chistmas
Grapey
ashen
russian orthodox sacrament wine (it's good!)
smooth black stones
David Bowie's bloody nose
Seduced by an older woman in a red satin robe
Dusty velvet curtain, like from Beauty and the Beast
We liked this one. Strong, bold, with a definite old-world flavour and just a hint of sacredness. Yes to this wine!
WINE 2:
Kaelyn: Oak Bay Pinot Noir, Okanagan Valley, $20
We said
Grass
brushfire
sharp
bland
unpleasant odor
embarassing (for Chris, who brought the wine)
Sour
Throat itchy
sandpaper kiss
a sock full of quarters (hitting you)
plastic rubies in sand
Well, this one was not ok with us. It was almost a physical assault, we hated it so much. Julie wins!
ROUND 2
Wine 3:
Johnny
Copper Moon Shiraz $9
Sweet and unoaked
crisp and pure
tongue cluster bomb
pink elastic boa
Swings when you are a kid
Swings when you are a kid! Also!
Licorice for grownups
sundail
windy grass
spongy
festive
candied cherry
This one brought out a bit of the child in us, and got us in the mood to eat candy and play. All good things in a wine. Sneaky winos, though--you are catching on that if you bring Copper Moon, it will always do well, and you'll only spend $9. Please do not take this as advice. Johnny wins.
Wine 4: Alla
Espelt Saulo, Spain, $15
We said:
Oil spill
royal purple
rotted grapes
smell of credenza
jalapenos
christmas spice
mulled wine
fuzzy aquedut
back patio candlelight
My grandmother's living room, where I'm not allowed to touch anything
Cherry fuzzy
room dividers
Well this one was okay, definitely strong, and bold, but a touch inaccessible, and we didn't really like that very much here at Winos United.
Wine 5: Chris
Saturna Pinot Noir $22
We said:
Stained glass
Getting high with my English prof
Blackcurrants
Thinks he's black
Not so good
The poem "It's good to be here" by RC Weslowski when he says, "It is SO NOT GOOD to be here!"
Blackberry
gummi bear
deja vu
satin sheets
sour cranberries
THe inside of my cheeks have been stitched to a blood blister
dandelions over a raspberry field.
Well, not all of us hated this one. Or at least, not as much as we hated the other one. Decanting may have helped in both of their cases. Anyway, Chris wins, saving him slightly from the embarassment of bringing Kaelyn's wine, which we hated even MORE.
ROUND 3
Wine 6: Kyle
Finca Flichman Oak Aged Malbec $8
We said:
This is the black ink of wine. In that there is no true black ink, only very dark blue. This is the mythical black.
Far superior to my previous wine.
Anticlimax
acetone
movator
banal
polished stone
parsnip
lethargic metaphor
grey pepper
saltwater pool
We liked this one better than the last one, but still not as much. There was some pepper and a definite hint of chemicals, which is not a great quality in a wine. Strangely, a few of us drink this one regularly, and had NO IDEA how much we would hate it. It was a bit shocking, for Cristina especially. I blame the oak age of the malbec--not a good idea, Finca.
Wine 2: Cristina
Wally's Hut Shiraz, Australia, $9
We said:
Dapper
Patrick Swayze's donated liver
cleaning supplies (in a good way)
licking an oak tree
Eating whole pomegranate seeds
black strawberries
When dragons attack
boom in my mouth
back of the tongue
waterslide
seeds
brown sugar
There was something earthy, easy drinking, but complex all at once about this one. Plus cheap! We looooved it. Cristina wins!
ROUND 4
Wine 8: Andy
Joseph Drouhin Burgundy $36
We said:
Toothpaste
Cottage sheets
Sweetened alcoholic koolaid (been a long time)
Corrugated velvet
The fire under which male chickens are destroyed in the factory
unremarkable
water cooler
year old sunbleached bones
Superfluous
The yapping yesmen circling around the real wine
Harsh words for such an expensive wine! We found it too sweet, a little chemically, and somehow also dry on the tongue. Perhaps more decanting would have helped this one? In any case we did not like it.
Wine 9: Meghan
Black Tower German white $14
We said:
Sugarcane and frape juice
kiwifruit
Pretend you like it
Doing the namaste
bronze lullabye
14 years old
silvery sweet
Sweet SOB
fuzzy peaches
sour keys without the sour salt
Well this one was okay with us--but fuzzy peach sweet. If you like a candy wine (or perhaps are 14 years old) this is your wine. Meghan wins.
ROUND 5
Wine 1:
Fernando:
Mythical select white Okanagan valley np
We said:
Raspberry tire
straight up takes like bee hair
dirty windex runoff
lemonparty
gym show apple juice
what white wine is supposed to taste like
so many things are happening in my mouth!
Well we liked this one, I think, but it was hard to read Cristina's writing.
Wine 2: Lisa
Obikwa Chenin Blanc, South Africa
We said:
melted popsicles
an afternoon drinking wine on a patio in Montreal (ie. nondescript)
limeade
tart
lemonade with ice on a very hot day (after the ice has melted)
myeaahhhh
vodka
Okay, i think we were getting a little drunk by this point. We liked it fine, I think, but found it a little on the thin side.
No one wins! Because we stopped paying attention!
ROUND 6
WIne 1: Sean
Ruffino Orvieto [...] $16
Toast before I was gluten intolerant
Someone I should like, but don't
Water in the same glass as orange juice
Ashen wormwood
The opening
Sweet nothing.
We weren't quite sure about this one. We felt like it was almost really good, or good with the potential of gas, bloating, and general irritation.
Wine 2: Angelo
Okanagan Vineyards Chardonnay, OK valley, $9
We said:
Marshmallows
forgotten kids in class
special needs
simple
This one wasn't so bad, but seemed a little too simple for some, and too much altogether for those of us incapable of drinking any more. Let's say Angelo wins, just because he was visiting from Toronto.
Another highly successful Winos night! Stayed tuned, dear readers, for more wine reviews you can understand (or maybe can't....)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Welcome once again to your alternative Wine Review Blog, where pretentious people give true articulations to the pretentious feeling wine graces us with. Pinkies up, winos, here are the newest judgments drunken poet style:
ROUND 1
WINE 1: Meghan
Chan-en-Oeuf Rose, Pays D'Oc, $13
We said:
Joan Crawford.
Cider
Rhubarb
Like not making a yellow light
Pamplemousse
Scotch
Aunt Dorothy
Nacho temperer (?)
My little pony
Yes, Lisa's Aunt Dorothy.
Roses from a boy.
Fruit, flowers, a hint of plastic and a dash of grace: we like it!
Wine 2: Alla
Schloss Briebekt Sekh Sparkling Wine, Germany. $15
We said:
Sleep.
Better with gin.
Invisible.
Fake grownup.
Harrison Hot Springs
Library
Carpet
Panty remover
A stranger's wedding
Lemongrass
Saccharine
Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo
A little too sweet and without much to say, this sparkling wine reminds us of family events and trying to get drunk when nothing good is around. We didn't like it so much.
WINNER: MEGHAN! wooo ya!
ROUND 2
Wine 1: Julie
St HUbertus Chasselas, Okanagan Valley, $16
We said:
Dilute.
Dandelion.
Cartoon cheese wheel.
Foam (like a foam)
Higgins (Magnum PI)
Cellophane
Getting punched by someone kind of hot
Claude Debussy's
old herbs
seawater without the salt and guck
velveeta
Not too strong of a flavour here and a distinct note of cheese, we didn't hate it, but we didn't love it either.
WINE 2: Kyle and Lisa
Jackson Triggs Chardonnay, Niagara $13
We said:
Filtered water
Ropes on a sailboat
metal gates--cattle guards
D-Cup 9
Marlena Dietrich on Tuxedo (?)
Carnations
bees knees
warm like fur
bumblebee
unapologetically surly
Audi
Kind of bitter, like a poet
Dead bunnies
Something of a confusing wine, bringing up thoughts of breasts, gates, bitterness and especially bees--we liked it, at least more than Julie's wine.
WINNER: KYLE AND LISA!!
ROUND 3
WINE 1: Brendan
Copper Moon Sauvignon Blanc Okanagan Valley $8.95
We said:
Fragrant and soft
Nectarine
meh
the guilt you feel when you don't know how old a girl is
No woman no cry
tires
beige
Sunlight through eyelit curtains
Nothing to prove
pop rocks
tweener slumber party
sleepy rocking chair
parcheesi
potato salad on labour day
sparklers
warm shivers
kiss from a baby nephew
This wine was seriously easy drinking--so easy, in fact, we felt a little uneasy, like the work and toil of life would return the moment we put the wine down. So keep drinking, it's only $8.95.
WINE 2: Greg
Quail's Gate [white, no grape noted--I suspect the chasselas blend] $16
We said:
Bubble bath
God is black
Mumbrable
Nazi party
Like RC's backwash
very tart
lost in the world
low self esteem
delerious
Lik-M-Aid (remember that stuff? With the candy stick and the powder?)
ABBA
rotting soap
sweet tarts
green onion
Saskatchewan
Something a little too tart and somehow intense and boring at the same time (Saskatchewan?) we didn't like this one very much.
WINE 2: Kaelyn
Gazela Vino Verde from Spain $11
We said:
Kicked in the vagina
Stroked in the vagina
pineapple vagina
7up
Robert Redford's Snowman
Jem and the Holograms' World Tour
The techno of Wino
half inflated baloon
ragtime
koolaid failing a drug test
Monogamy
a forgotten brilliant idea
pineapple just a bit off
the cougar's boudoir
fresh and acidic
This one made us think many things, especially about vaginas. Something a little different, a little sweet, not too alcoholic and with a heavy dose of pineapple, we liked it.
KAELYN WINS!
ROUND 4
WINE 1: Sean
Wyndham Estate Bin 222 Chardonnay $19
We said:
A $299 cruise
cowboy hat
"it made my tongue numb"
flaccid
Candice Bergen
Teenager coming out as fruity
a chicken's cock
white
I was like...not good.
Dove soap
tumeric
a used hockey glove
yeast infection
vomitracious
very small fruit
shampoo
Come on guys, getting a little gross here. This one we had a bodily reaction to. We did not like it.
WINE 2: Rob
Argiolas S'elegas, Italy (np)
We said:
Feta
Angst in Yaletown
9.6 volts
Rice wine
Clear but too sharp
Chris Gilpin's donair
the person you think of when you come
pretend to like it
blow up mattress
neatly trimmed beard
chardonnay hates Julie
blackberry bushes
Apparently we felt like we should like this one, but we really didn't. Still..
Rob wins!
ROUND 5
WINE 1: Karen
Copper Moon Sauvignon Blanc Okanagan valley $8.95 The same one Brendan brought!
We said:
Potpourri
Satsuma
clementine
Take it home to see if the dog will lick it
ex wife
puppy love
We liked it!
WINE 2: Kyle and Lisa Part Deux
Copper Moon Chardonnay, Okanagan $8.95
We said:
Bottle rocket
east German shepherd
saxophone made out of driftwood
stealthy deepthroat
tangerine
miniature pony
innocent purple
campino candy
play school
something to be proud of
This one we especially liked. Kyle and Lisa win!
AT LAST: ONTO THE REDS!
ROUND 1
WINE 1: Chris
Copper Moon Cabernet Sauvignon $8.99
We said:
Leather raspberried and licorice
smooth and sour
retro rolls royce
breasts
chocolate peso
razorblades
black man/suit/hat
fresh water up the nose
kalamata olives
tequila
swingset
chocolate and roses
We liked this one just fine. Getting pretty drunk by this time though. Never have a Winos with 25 people. It's bad news.
Wine 2: Jim McKnight
La Posta Bonarda Argentina $18.99
We said:
Like Yellowtail Shiraz
smoking room
rotted sausage
herpes simplex 3
dead salmon
killer
Cary Grant
aged
smoke
bruising
chestnut
overpowering leather
your favourite leather jacket
De Niro
There was something familiar and cozy about this wine, which had a nice punch. We liked that about it. Jim WINS!
ROUND 2:
WINE 1: Fernando
Naked Grape Okanagan Shiraz $8.95
We said:
Caramel
Smells like a post-sex room
first year university sex (not much technique)
first kiss gimmick
plaid shirt
ass candy/candy ass
real fruit gummies
prison break without condoms
Well, there was something sexy about this wine, but apparently not in a good way. But not in a bad way either.
WINE 2: Patty
Cedar Creek Pinot Noir Okanagan $17.00
We said:
Flirting with the mirror
David Bowie's codpiece from Labyrinth
Bug dope (bug spray)
Battery acid
very bad sex
abandoned tire
Velveteen rabbit
slipping around a corner
Hated by all.
Well, we didn't love Fernando's wine, but we HATED this one. Between bad sex and really bad sex, Fernando WINS!
Another successfully drunken night of winos, and we hope this helps!
ROUND 1
WINE 1: Meghan
Chan-en-Oeuf Rose, Pays D'Oc, $13
We said:
Joan Crawford.
Cider
Rhubarb
Like not making a yellow light
Pamplemousse
Scotch
Aunt Dorothy
Nacho temperer (?)
My little pony
Yes, Lisa's Aunt Dorothy.
Roses from a boy.
Fruit, flowers, a hint of plastic and a dash of grace: we like it!
Wine 2: Alla
Schloss Briebekt Sekh Sparkling Wine, Germany. $15
We said:
Sleep.
Better with gin.
Invisible.
Fake grownup.
Harrison Hot Springs
Library
Carpet
Panty remover
A stranger's wedding
Lemongrass
Saccharine
Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo
A little too sweet and without much to say, this sparkling wine reminds us of family events and trying to get drunk when nothing good is around. We didn't like it so much.
WINNER: MEGHAN! wooo ya!
ROUND 2
Wine 1: Julie
St HUbertus Chasselas, Okanagan Valley, $16
We said:
Dilute.
Dandelion.
Cartoon cheese wheel.
Foam (like a foam)
Higgins (Magnum PI)
Cellophane
Getting punched by someone kind of hot
Claude Debussy's
old herbs
seawater without the salt and guck
velveeta
Not too strong of a flavour here and a distinct note of cheese, we didn't hate it, but we didn't love it either.
WINE 2: Kyle and Lisa
Jackson Triggs Chardonnay, Niagara $13
We said:
Filtered water
Ropes on a sailboat
metal gates--cattle guards
D-Cup 9
Marlena Dietrich on Tuxedo (?)
Carnations
bees knees
warm like fur
bumblebee
unapologetically surly
Audi
Kind of bitter, like a poet
Dead bunnies
Something of a confusing wine, bringing up thoughts of breasts, gates, bitterness and especially bees--we liked it, at least more than Julie's wine.
WINNER: KYLE AND LISA!!
ROUND 3
WINE 1: Brendan
Copper Moon Sauvignon Blanc Okanagan Valley $8.95
We said:
Fragrant and soft
Nectarine
meh
the guilt you feel when you don't know how old a girl is
No woman no cry
tires
beige
Sunlight through eyelit curtains
Nothing to prove
pop rocks
tweener slumber party
sleepy rocking chair
parcheesi
potato salad on labour day
sparklers
warm shivers
kiss from a baby nephew
This wine was seriously easy drinking--so easy, in fact, we felt a little uneasy, like the work and toil of life would return the moment we put the wine down. So keep drinking, it's only $8.95.
WINE 2: Greg
Quail's Gate [white, no grape noted--I suspect the chasselas blend] $16
We said:
Bubble bath
God is black
Mumbrable
Nazi party
Like RC's backwash
very tart
lost in the world
low self esteem
delerious
Lik-M-Aid (remember that stuff? With the candy stick and the powder?)
ABBA
rotting soap
sweet tarts
green onion
Saskatchewan
Something a little too tart and somehow intense and boring at the same time (Saskatchewan?) we didn't like this one very much.
WINE 2: Kaelyn
Gazela Vino Verde from Spain $11
We said:
Kicked in the vagina
Stroked in the vagina
pineapple vagina
7up
Robert Redford's Snowman
Jem and the Holograms' World Tour
The techno of Wino
half inflated baloon
ragtime
koolaid failing a drug test
Monogamy
a forgotten brilliant idea
pineapple just a bit off
the cougar's boudoir
fresh and acidic
This one made us think many things, especially about vaginas. Something a little different, a little sweet, not too alcoholic and with a heavy dose of pineapple, we liked it.
KAELYN WINS!
ROUND 4
WINE 1: Sean
Wyndham Estate Bin 222 Chardonnay $19
We said:
A $299 cruise
cowboy hat
"it made my tongue numb"
flaccid
Candice Bergen
Teenager coming out as fruity
a chicken's cock
white
I was like...not good.
Dove soap
tumeric
a used hockey glove
yeast infection
vomitracious
very small fruit
shampoo
Come on guys, getting a little gross here. This one we had a bodily reaction to. We did not like it.
WINE 2: Rob
Argiolas S'elegas, Italy (np)
We said:
Feta
Angst in Yaletown
9.6 volts
Rice wine
Clear but too sharp
Chris Gilpin's donair
the person you think of when you come
pretend to like it
blow up mattress
neatly trimmed beard
chardonnay hates Julie
blackberry bushes
Apparently we felt like we should like this one, but we really didn't. Still..
Rob wins!
ROUND 5
WINE 1: Karen
Copper Moon Sauvignon Blanc Okanagan valley $8.95 The same one Brendan brought!
We said:
Potpourri
Satsuma
clementine
Take it home to see if the dog will lick it
ex wife
puppy love
We liked it!
WINE 2: Kyle and Lisa Part Deux
Copper Moon Chardonnay, Okanagan $8.95
We said:
Bottle rocket
east German shepherd
saxophone made out of driftwood
stealthy deepthroat
tangerine
miniature pony
innocent purple
campino candy
play school
something to be proud of
This one we especially liked. Kyle and Lisa win!
AT LAST: ONTO THE REDS!
ROUND 1
WINE 1: Chris
Copper Moon Cabernet Sauvignon $8.99
We said:
Leather raspberried and licorice
smooth and sour
retro rolls royce
breasts
chocolate peso
razorblades
black man/suit/hat
fresh water up the nose
kalamata olives
tequila
swingset
chocolate and roses
We liked this one just fine. Getting pretty drunk by this time though. Never have a Winos with 25 people. It's bad news.
Wine 2: Jim McKnight
La Posta Bonarda Argentina $18.99
We said:
Like Yellowtail Shiraz
smoking room
rotted sausage
herpes simplex 3
dead salmon
killer
Cary Grant
aged
smoke
bruising
chestnut
overpowering leather
your favourite leather jacket
De Niro
There was something familiar and cozy about this wine, which had a nice punch. We liked that about it. Jim WINS!
ROUND 2:
WINE 1: Fernando
Naked Grape Okanagan Shiraz $8.95
We said:
Caramel
Smells like a post-sex room
first year university sex (not much technique)
first kiss gimmick
plaid shirt
ass candy/candy ass
real fruit gummies
prison break without condoms
Well, there was something sexy about this wine, but apparently not in a good way. But not in a bad way either.
WINE 2: Patty
Cedar Creek Pinot Noir Okanagan $17.00
We said:
Flirting with the mirror
David Bowie's codpiece from Labyrinth
Bug dope (bug spray)
Battery acid
very bad sex
abandoned tire
Velveteen rabbit
slipping around a corner
Hated by all.
Well, we didn't love Fernando's wine, but we HATED this one. Between bad sex and really bad sex, Fernando WINS!
Another successfully drunken night of winos, and we hope this helps!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
July's Winos United Reviews are in!
After a long and arduous hiatus, the Winos got together again for another meeting. A few newbies joined us, and I found myself doing "the demonstration" over and over again, to the utter delight of RC, a long time Wino who likes to drink whisky and make faces because he doesn't like red wine. He's one of my favourite winos, needless to say.
Here's what we discovered after blind taste tests of 10 different wines. We started with the whites:
FIRST CONTENDERS: SONJA VS. HERSELF
Sonja brought: White Bear Okanagan Riesling, $13
We thought:
-crystal clear
-lavender soda
-wine chilled in a stainless steel water bottle
-sharp tang of clarity
SONJA WINS! against herself, but we thought it was pretty good!
NEXT CONTENDERS: KAREN VS. EVIL PATRICK
Evil Patrick brought: Mignard Sparkling Grape Juice $3.25 (NON-ALCOHOLIC--we are idiots and assumed it was real wine. Sneaky, sneaky bastard.)
We thought:
-like being cuddled on a soft couch. With kittens.
-Sparkling honey
-watered down molasses
-apple juice gone kind of bad
-Fort Langley licorice.
-a family reunion on the apple farm
-preteens puking in the barn
Karen brought: Smoking Loon Viognier from California $17
We thought:
-gravol. The chewable kind I used to have when i'd get carsick on long trips.
-freshly cut grass
-aspartame
-allergy medicine
-thick spicy towel
-childhood basement
-moose musk
-yellow chalk
-cotton
AND THE WINNER IS: miraculously, EVIL PATRICK! Somehow, the smoking loon was so gross that non-alcoholic, sickly sweet sparking grape juice won over it. Karen insists it was good the first time she had it--could be a case of not quite chilled enough. Still, thumbs down, all around.
NEXT CONTENDERS: ALLA VS. DUNCAN
Alla brought: Cycles Gladiator California Syrah, based on those old Parisian flying bicycle posters. $16. I loved it.
We thought:
-smoking lemon ash
-plums
-an unopened parachute
-homemade sauna
-day old socks stuffed with rose petals. In a good way.
-Fireplace; oral sex; licorice.
-Rain on a fruit tree.
-Sugary mesquite
-sweet dragon skin.
Duncan brought: Georges Duboeuf Beaujolais, France, $16
We thought:
-friends with my nose hairs. It's really getting up there.
-tuesday night casual dining.
-thick licorice
-the plan gone sour
-humbucking--a trick my uncles use to talk on and on about something like they know what they are talking when they don't have any idea. Bullshit.
-checkers at the old age home.
-lonesome raisin grape-unplugged
-smooth designer adult diaper (unused)
-green tonsil attack
AND THE WINNER IS: again, shockingly, though not by much: DUNCAN!
NEXT CONTENDERS: MEGHAN VS. JULIE
Meghan brought: Inca Cabernet Malbec from Argentina $14.60
We thought:
-thought provoking. Not casual dining.
-Stomach ulcers.
-blanket wine tang.
-spicy love button.
-greedy squirrel
-rolling around on a furry carpet
-a really good date with someone you've been with for a long time
-all natural cleaners in the foxy house sink
-barroom hot wings
-lactose intolerance intolerance
-electric eel
-purple velvet puddle
Julie brought: Just Good Wine; Jargon Pinot Noir from California $15
We thought:
-This is the wine that would be served to me if I were being given diamonds. Smooth, charming, clear about its intentions, but still, I feel a little out of place. I don't really like diamonds.
-Overbaked pumpkin pie, but not pumpkin pie
-elastic monkey hair OR Arizona brush fire
-awkward coworker
-an incomplete pass in football. It just doesn't get there.
-Don Juan of the vineyard.
-Parisian crystal cult
-cubic zirconium
-pumpkin pie with Nicolas Cage
-desert sunrise
-velvet cedar
-an angry referee's delayed call
AND THE WINNER IS: again, a bit surprisingly, but narrowly, JULIE!
NEXT CONTENDERS: TOMASZ VS. ANDY
Tomasz brought: Errazuriz Merlot from Chile $15
We thought:
-duct tape holding up a ceiling tile
-freshly painted rented cottage
-ottoman
-dangerous
-high school
-electric light orchestra
-fundraising for prostate cancer with Hannibal Lecter
-coconut water desert oasis
-unstable
-sweet cherry pie
Andy brought: Wolf Blass Cabernet Sauvignon from Australia $19
We thought:
-blackberries with a personality
-metallic syrup
-brazen
-lethargic duncan
-craisin
-medieval armor. If you licked it.
-Sunday rainshower.
-rusty razorblade
-blackberry with a magnesium glow
-heavy duty receding desert
AND THE WINNER IS: ANDY!
NEXT CONTENDERS: i forgot to write this down so let's say ROGER VS BRENT
Brent brought: Domaine Marhwlah Cahor France $23.90 (yep, it's that time in the evening, can't read my own writing. Brent, help me out??)
We thought:
-band aid smell
-heavy load to bear
-prawns in a pickle jar
-aloe vera
-antiseptic [TRANSLATION: ANTISEPTIC! thanks Brent]
-Nail polish remover
-jelly donut doing the seawall
-struggling
-fruit fantasia [anthony. So positive!]
-Mixing a cake while hanglingling. [translation: HANGLIDING! again, thanks Brent]
-forced guitar lessons
Roger brought: [Brandless] Cabernet Sauvignon from France. Again, help me out, I was too drunk to remember this:
We thought:
-stuffed crocodile
-peaches
-lacunae
-bitter beginning
-nicolai tessla's first kiss--something that's never happened before
-wanderlust
-fruiting cherry tree/drunk
-after school my neighbor's backyard [kinky!]
-juicy fruit
-and then
THE WINNER! no idea.
Nice work winos! Up for another in a couple of weeks?
Friday, May 22, 2009
May 21 Winos United
On May 21, 2009, the Winos United for the fifth time...this time it was recorded.
We reviewed 9 wines:
Sonja brought Geyser Peak Sauvignon Blanc from California $13. We said:
like a dream punch: lame, without impact
prism
prairie sunset: wide, and colourful
like a very tiny accordion
Duncan brought Sonora Ranch Sauvignon Blanc from BC $11
We thought
Roses and canned peaches
unripe fruit, like when you bite into a pear too soon
apricot chalk
stale
like watered down or flat fresca
not too much coming...very middle of the road.
Pillowy. But you wouldn't want to eat a pillow.
The winner: DUNCAN!
Julie brought JeanJean Syrah Rose from le Pays D'Oc (FR). We thought:
This wine is like trying to have a conversation with a boy you are dating about feelings. It's just not saying anything to me.
Lac thereof.
Wine.
Burlap highway
burny, but without flavour. Flavourless burn.
No word.
Alcohol fire: the kind that doesn't consume anything.
Tarty.
Like GMO strawberries: just the white part inside.
The Winner: JULIE! Since she was competing against herself. No one liked this wine.
Alison brought Lindeman's Chardonnay from Australia for $16. She says this is the wine that convinced her that good white wine is supposed to taste like gooseberries. We said:
White cherries.
Subtly sweet
soft static, like pleasant white noise
What he said.
Sweet, but I feel it in my nostrils. Nosey.
BC fruity.
Party in my mouth.
Like faceplanting into a neighbour's rosebush.
The winner: ALISON! Also competing against herself, but this wine got a big ol' YES!
Onto the reds: Rob Brought Lotango Argentinian Malbec for $18. The label had a hologram on it. Despite that, we thought:
A paradox: EW; this is nice.
Rhubarb and blackberries
Chewy.
Licorice dirt.
Dry? Taste like alcoholism. Like my uncle.
Dry--has bite.
Soft.
Mellow, raspberry, plummy, excellent.
It makes me want to eat rich cheeses.
Like punching your own reflection in the mirror.
This is great! I should stop.
Shannon brought Copper Harvest Shiraz from BC for $9. Other varietals have been really good on this label, so she thought she'd give the shiraz a ring. We said:
Dirt on a stick. Needs to breathe.
Sour carrots on a coated tongue. In a good way.
Walking through a wet forest and hitting a thick spiderweb in the face.
Motor starter: it takes a few tries to warm up and then purrs to life.
Smells---like my great grandfather's basement bar.
Complex...like a woman on a first date. With a nice finish.
Wild cherry.
Lady Beaverbrook-- the rubber mats in hockey rinks back in New Brunswick that were made out of recycled tires.
...Still dirt on a stick.
The winner: ROB! Can't go wrong with an argentinian malbec.
Andy brought Wolf Blass Pinot Noir from Australia for $18. A label with an excellent rep: here's what we said.
Sweet rubbing alcohol.
A chlorinated swimming pool that a child has peed in.
An electrician working on something who fell asleep and got electrocuted.
greasy. Smooth greasy. Slides nicely. Wine on top of grease.
Numbing, but spicy.
Chokecherry wine in the back of a '69 Dodge Charger, nice girl on your side, and some cheese.
Hurt feelings.
Someone else's bed.
Stuart brought Diego Murillo Argentinian Malbec for $8. We said:
It makes my tongue feel flat.
A '70s orange shag carpet, but IN the '70s.
Like a dry sky.
Straight up, the definition of tangy.
If there was a high class kraft dinner, this would be it.
Balance of masculine and feminine.
I want to buy a bottle, and I'm looking for my visa, because I only have $60 on me.
fluffy clouds.
Biting into a banana peel.
THE WINNER: STUART! 10 dollars less and so much more delicious. Again, can't go wrong with argentinian malbec.
And finally: SURPRISE WINE! also known as wine that has been sitting around unclaimed for two days or so. This was Naked Grape Sauvignon Blanc $11. We said:
Pillows made of melon flavoured marshmallows. But pillows you can eat.
Carmen Miranda's head.
Gold brick guitar.
I don't remember.
Tastes like the smell of ivy that grows up in european brick walls in England and Paris.
If I were invited to lunch with the Queen in ENgland, this is what we would drink.
Sour keys without sugar.
The Winner: SURPRISE WINE! Always wins.
Stay tuned for next month's selection of tastings!
We reviewed 9 wines:
Sonja brought Geyser Peak Sauvignon Blanc from California $13. We said:
like a dream punch: lame, without impact
prism
prairie sunset: wide, and colourful
like a very tiny accordion
Duncan brought Sonora Ranch Sauvignon Blanc from BC $11
We thought
Roses and canned peaches
unripe fruit, like when you bite into a pear too soon
apricot chalk
stale
like watered down or flat fresca
not too much coming...very middle of the road.
Pillowy. But you wouldn't want to eat a pillow.
The winner: DUNCAN!
Julie brought JeanJean Syrah Rose from le Pays D'Oc (FR). We thought:
This wine is like trying to have a conversation with a boy you are dating about feelings. It's just not saying anything to me.
Lac thereof.
Wine.
Burlap highway
burny, but without flavour. Flavourless burn.
No word.
Alcohol fire: the kind that doesn't consume anything.
Tarty.
Like GMO strawberries: just the white part inside.
The Winner: JULIE! Since she was competing against herself. No one liked this wine.
Alison brought Lindeman's Chardonnay from Australia for $16. She says this is the wine that convinced her that good white wine is supposed to taste like gooseberries. We said:
White cherries.
Subtly sweet
soft static, like pleasant white noise
What he said.
Sweet, but I feel it in my nostrils. Nosey.
BC fruity.
Party in my mouth.
Like faceplanting into a neighbour's rosebush.
The winner: ALISON! Also competing against herself, but this wine got a big ol' YES!
Onto the reds: Rob Brought Lotango Argentinian Malbec for $18. The label had a hologram on it. Despite that, we thought:
A paradox: EW; this is nice.
Rhubarb and blackberries
Chewy.
Licorice dirt.
Dry? Taste like alcoholism. Like my uncle.
Dry--has bite.
Soft.
Mellow, raspberry, plummy, excellent.
It makes me want to eat rich cheeses.
Like punching your own reflection in the mirror.
This is great! I should stop.
Shannon brought Copper Harvest Shiraz from BC for $9. Other varietals have been really good on this label, so she thought she'd give the shiraz a ring. We said:
Dirt on a stick. Needs to breathe.
Sour carrots on a coated tongue. In a good way.
Walking through a wet forest and hitting a thick spiderweb in the face.
Motor starter: it takes a few tries to warm up and then purrs to life.
Smells---like my great grandfather's basement bar.
Complex...like a woman on a first date. With a nice finish.
Wild cherry.
Lady Beaverbrook-- the rubber mats in hockey rinks back in New Brunswick that were made out of recycled tires.
...Still dirt on a stick.
The winner: ROB! Can't go wrong with an argentinian malbec.
Andy brought Wolf Blass Pinot Noir from Australia for $18. A label with an excellent rep: here's what we said.
Sweet rubbing alcohol.
A chlorinated swimming pool that a child has peed in.
An electrician working on something who fell asleep and got electrocuted.
greasy. Smooth greasy. Slides nicely. Wine on top of grease.
Numbing, but spicy.
Chokecherry wine in the back of a '69 Dodge Charger, nice girl on your side, and some cheese.
Hurt feelings.
Someone else's bed.
Stuart brought Diego Murillo Argentinian Malbec for $8. We said:
It makes my tongue feel flat.
A '70s orange shag carpet, but IN the '70s.
Like a dry sky.
Straight up, the definition of tangy.
If there was a high class kraft dinner, this would be it.
Balance of masculine and feminine.
I want to buy a bottle, and I'm looking for my visa, because I only have $60 on me.
fluffy clouds.
Biting into a banana peel.
THE WINNER: STUART! 10 dollars less and so much more delicious. Again, can't go wrong with argentinian malbec.
And finally: SURPRISE WINE! also known as wine that has been sitting around unclaimed for two days or so. This was Naked Grape Sauvignon Blanc $11. We said:
Pillows made of melon flavoured marshmallows. But pillows you can eat.
Carmen Miranda's head.
Gold brick guitar.
I don't remember.
Tastes like the smell of ivy that grows up in european brick walls in England and Paris.
If I were invited to lunch with the Queen in ENgland, this is what we would drink.
Sour keys without sugar.
The Winner: SURPRISE WINE! Always wins.
Stay tuned for next month's selection of tastings!
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